We all know art is hard

Yo, I'm not sure what people mean when they say marriage is easy, even in the honeymoon period. Marriage is work. I love my wife dearly, with my life, but that doesn't mean we don't misunderstand one another, misjudge and hurt one another.

I remember an ex-girlfriend telling me about her sister, and her sister's failing marriage. Her sister had told her that despite all the heartache and anger, at night in bed all of that fell away. I completely understand, though no relationship is sustainable by spooning at night, or kisses on the face in the morning.

I have a lot of growing up to do. We both do.

Help from the grandparents

I find this article pretty depressing. I have this sense of entitlement, too, which I think is incredibly selfish and spoiled. My parents have helped me out pretty significantly (in my opinion) with getting me on my feet. A thousand bucks here and there is a ton, frankly, and I can also say honestly that I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for their kindness.

My wife's family is very well off. Her parents wanted to pay for half a house for us, but my parents said that's madness, our son already owns a house, we don't need to buy them one. On one hand, I don't want their money, but on the other hand, damn, we could live fat if we took their money.

Augh. Augh. What kind of man wants the handouts of his wife's family? Crap. Crap.

Struck me hard enough in the chest to make me think about sticking around

One of my managers made very complimentary statements about my work, which still quite honestly shocks the heck out of me. I don't think I'll ever get past the feeling that I'm a fraud, and that I don't really have the engineering acumen to be where I am. My close friends at my company know that I feel like a fraud, but they always assure me that I'm smart, but man, engineering, the nuts and bolts stuff barely penetrates. I just finished managing a program that was destined to fail if it had to go to completion, but because it was cancelled, instead of being the goat I feel like I should be, I'm being lauded for having accomplished so much with few resources and agonizingly long days.

I remember thinking long ago how truly this modern world does its best to award people for mediocrity, perhaps because people like being awarded even if they're not necessarily worthy of it. Anyway, I'm still planning to go back to engineering school. The fact is, even if most engineering topics don't interest me, I want to know what the heck I'm doing at work.

I'm not sure if going back to school will help that.

Suburban home

So, we bought a Volvo(!) last night. We got a big old Volvo. It's sweet, actually, and we got an amazing deal, 9300 bucks under MSRP. We're happy but much poorer clams. It's nice to have a vehicle other than the truck, finally.

Oahu eyes

We had our honeymoon in Hawaii, 4 days in Oahu and 4 days in Maui. We absolutely loved Oahu. I have heard people complain about Honolulu and Waikiki, but I love that there are beautiful beaches right across the street from apparently limitless Japanese restaurants. We ate ramen every day, watched dolphins at our hotel, and swam in swimming pool calm waters at the Ala Moana beach. We snorkeled for the first time too. My wife was timid at first, but after a few minutes of adjusting the snorkel mask and getting used to the fins, she took to the water like the swimmer she was when she was young. Many of the fish were stunning, and most were absolutely unafraid. My wife, being somewhat enthralled and destructive at the same time, took to poking any fish that came within range of her finger.

I also noticed a huge difference between Asian women in Hawaii and women in Seoul. There were many beautiful women in both places, but the differences were striking. In Seoul, women were often waifish and pale, but in Hawaii many women had athletic builds and deep suntans. Korean women don't think that having a dark suntan is desireable at all, and it took me a while to adjust to so many women with dark skin after being in a country where women walk around with umbrellas on sunny days.

Your eyes are the Mesa Verde

I still have something to say, and I still want someone to listen.

My wife(!) is in New York City right now, working at a large fashion company. This is a test period for her, to see where she best fits among the many offshoots of this large company. It sounds like it's kind of a sweatshop where young designers are put through the grinder, but in all honesty this kind of atmosphere suits my wife. She's got some super tough Korean genes or something.

Anyway, it's hard for her being away. She's coming back Friday night, but gosh, you know we just got married. I miss her. I was reflecting today after I had gotten out of the shower that it's much more fun walking around naked when she's around.