Isn't it a pity, isn't it a shame

Feeling pretty sad lately. Last Friday my company lost a 400 million dollar contract, the very contract that I am working on. I haven't lost my job, because in this industry what happens in situations like this is something called a 'badge flip', where almost everything stays the same except the paycheck comes from a different company. At the same time, the wonderful dynamic that has kept me at my company for over seven years has been destroyed. The friends I've made at work, all of my mentors, we're all going to be scattered by this contract loss. It makes me sad. The optimists are saying that change can be good, and mean new opportunities. For me, change is the last thing I want or need. I'm trying to get my masters degree, and this sort of distraction is not helpful. I wanted change on my own accord.

I'm just sad. This is just not right. It is a wake up call, though, a reminder that the world is unpredictable and can be a hard place. Life isn't fair. I am being dramatic, I know, especially with the hardships that really do exist in the world. This just isn't what I wanted.

I told El about it today, and she's been so great, and I've really appreciated it. Unfortunately this also means that she is hesitant to quit her own job and move back home, because of my apparent job insecurity. Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.

Sigh.

Sigh